A night out

Hmmmmmm.... sigh

2006-06-17T09:23:00.000+05:30

Do beautiful things have to come to an end? Why??

Hmmmm... I arrived home... and kept thinking abt that... Indeed, one of my friends has put this in his orkut page... Why do beautiful things have to come to an end??

Do they???
Sometimes, yes... cause society imposes us some rules...
Sometimes, no... they die only if we allow them to die...

In both cases it hurts a lot... and in the most unexpected time, it comes back to our mind... *sigh*... in part, life is made of memories... don´t know if it´s good or not... but at least for me, it´s like that... some memories it´s better to forget... others, *sigh*... even if you want, you can´t...

Sometimes some decisions we take along the way cause that... the end of beautiful things... but we must have taken the decision... no way back, most of the times...
In my case, I take too long to take a decision... not to regret later... not to hurt people... but this is life... we hurt ourselves... we hurt dear people... and we continue to live...

Is there anything more painful than life?? Is there anything more limiting than society?? Is there anything more struggling than memories??

BAHUT *SIGH*... I am boring today... feel like leaving everything behind... and start again... but I can´t... not even you... nobody... some chapters have already been written... and no way to erase them... we might try to be happy with what we have now... with what we have built till now... and again... this is life... I don´t know the purpose of all this stuff...

It s**** !!! It hurts... makes us cry... and even so... here we are...

Valentine´s Day :D

2006-02-16T03:46:00.001+05:30

As I see... ahem... this blog has not been shared... :((

Anyways.... I kept thinking abt what to do for V. Day... although today is 15th...

So... a song would be nice... I guess... *sigh*...

Original sin

Elton John

Oh, it's carnival night
And they're stringing the lights around you
Hanging paper angels
Painting little devils on the roof

Oh the furnace wind
Is a flickering of wings about your face
In a cloud of incense
Yea, it smells like Heaven in this place

I can't eat, can't sleep
Still I hunger for you when you look at me
That face, those eyes
All the sinful pleasures deep inside

Tell me how, you know now, the ways and means of getting in
Underneath my skin,
Oh you were always my original sin
And tell me why, I shudder inside, every time we begin
This dangerous game
Oh you were always my original sin

A dream will fly
The moment that you open up your eyes
A dream is just a riddle
Ghosts from every corner of your life

Up in the balcony
All the Romeo's are bleeding for your hand
Blowing theater kisses
Reciting lines they don't understand

I can't eat, can't sleep
Still I hunger for you when you look at me
That face, those eyes
All the sinful pleasures deep inside

Tell me how, you know now, the ways and means of getting in
Underneath my skin,
Oh you were always my original sin
And tell me why, I shudder inside, every time we begin
This dangerous game
Oh you were always my original sin

(Rennie)

Now, a flower for you, yaar.

TAGGED AGAIN!!! :P

2006-01-23T07:45:00.000+05:30

The rules of the game:
1. The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points of their perfect lover - Innocent, Intelligent, Music, Family, Party sharty, Nature, Looks, Attitude.
2. Need to mention the sex of the target.
3. Tag 8 victims to join this game & leave a comment on their comments saying they’ve been tagged.
4. If tagged the 2nd time, there’s no need to post again.

You can check Anujie´s answers in his blog: http://dreamzncreams@blogspot.com
Btw... really nice answers!!

OMG.... hmmmmmmmm...... *sigh*.....
Tough to answer this.... I think that I am a bit lost here...

Gender: *sigh* A MAN!!

1. Innocent: in his thoughts and actions... in the way he looks at me...

2. Intelligent: I see intelligence from a big perspective... not only, for example, a guy who is good in Maths or is able to speak many languages... I don´t know how to explain this... *sigh*...
There should be also mutual understanding...

3. Music: This is not such an important thing... I like many kinds of songs and he also might have his preferences... I respect his options and he respects my options... but both should like romantic songs :P

4. Family: Should be in the first place. I want a family man :P

5. Party sharty: What the h*** is sharty?!?!?!?! hahahahahahahaha!!! omg... :P It won´t work if he prefers going out with friends every night than being with me or going out with me.

6. Nature: Soft. Gentle. Kind.

7. Looks: hhmmmmm...... omg... I don´t know... he should be clean and wear clean clothes and shoes... hmmmm... *sigh*.... don´t know... and plz... don´t need to shave every day... :P And plz, again... don´t try to impress me... I get impressed with more subtle things than appearance...

8. Attitude: This is a bit like nature...
He should be himself. Just like that.
But I would like him to be gentle, soft, friendly, honest, sincere, worried abt me... also a positive attitude towards life... I need a guy who gives me security (I am not talking abt money), confidence...
No lies or omissions!!!

AUR SUNAO - hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

2006-01-12T06:30:00.000+05:30

I´ve learnt those two words a long time ago... *sigh*... the dude has said that... :P indeed, not just once... in this time, yaar was working in Delhi... we had nothing to do... and spent hours talking and joking... hahahahahahahaha... remember that, dear?
You got angry cause I did not know how to follow the game... :P

You say that - aur sunao - when, in a conversation, there´s nothing else to be said... hahahahahahahahahahaha....
But that´s the reason for the weather... when there´s nothing more to be said... talk abt the weather.... :P
Hmmmmmmmmm....... how boring!!! The weather is not an interesting topic at all... *sigh*... but maybe it can lead to other nice stuff...
But I may say something abt the aur sunao stuff.... although I hate it, I love it... and every time a person says that to me (even in those English versions) - thanks God it´s not happening very often - I feel like dying.... hahahahahahahahahahaha....
It sounds like: "Do you have any other thing to say? Cause the conversation has reached its end... and if you don´t find an interesting subject right now, I´ll leave - and maybe leave you speaking alone - and goodbye..." hahahahahahahahaha!!! Why am I laughing that much?? hmmmm... *sigh*
OMG.... how pathetic... the world is full of interesting stuff... can´t we find an interesting thing to say??

And it is not good - also - when you change the words "aur sunao" for something like... "and then", "so"... it gives me the crips!!!!!! gggggrrrrrrr....... it sounds like the old and good "aur sunao"... *sigh*....

Whatever...

anuj ::
yups i do remember evrythng . All those talks & evrythng. lolz i knw u were really bad at those games .. and u always spoiled them .. and then i had to come up wid a new thght but it nevr worked :D .

newayz .. as far as this word is concerned .. AUR SUNAO .. lolz it doesnt alwayz indicate tht the talk is abt to end ... it also shows tht the individual sayin this is more interested in ur babbles & thus wants to knw more abt whts happenin wid u .. and thts why he says AUR SUNAO .. cause if he says .. WHTS NEW ?? or WHTS HAPPENIN ?? evryone says NOTHIN .. lolz .. theres lots happenin in evryones life .. i can bet on tht .. but its jst tht one is confused whether this wud suite to others interest or not .. and thus he/she ends up sayin NOTHIN !!

moreover people here love to say AUR SUNAO .. or to be very precise AUR SUNA !! cause this statement reflects closeness. U consider the person close to u & tht is why u ask him/her in a very casual fashion as to whts hapennin wid him/her .. cause ur quite interested in him/her & his/her life .. cause in some or the other way it also effcts ur life . ANd u keep on asking this question cause u want to knw more & more abt tht person ..

and its a better word then any formal english stuff .

U knw wht rennie ... we INDIANS have got our own style & statement .. people might consider us as jst some poor country .. or may be jst another growin economy .. but people here r more than jst this .... people here live up to each other ....

THey dont jst live their lifes .. they live & share it wid others as well. THe realtions tht they r born wid in terms of MOm, dad, bro ,sis & other relatives .. they love them all & care for them through out there life .. and they cherish the friends tht they make . Exceptions r alwayz there . so we do have bad [rather very bad ] people out here as well .. but thts the way nature works .. it maintains a balance . and dont take as sometin tht i m bosstin myself over .. cause now evn ur a part of it .

U might not be born here .. u might not be present her physically .. but u belong to here only .. evn if u dont ever come to india . Ur an indian by heart . and now ur the same as all other indians r . u will also cherish ur life & ur relations now . ANd i knw u cherish ur frndz already . As one of ur frnd [ RAM ] said tht u were wrongly placed in brazil .. u belng here . so jst be happy .. see hapiness is not a thing tht depends on the place ur in .. its all thts inside .. and if u feel tht ur in india .. ur an indian .. the place hardly matters . Heart is not bound by geography dear .. it reaches place where no one can fly or dive . so let ur heart be filled wid hapiness . jst keep smiling !!

so AUR SUNA !!

3rd post of the day - A PRAYER.

2006-01-01T04:26:00.000+05:30

Hmmmmmm.... I am so emotional today.... :P

Oh, Lord, oh Energy of The Lord,
Please, engage me in your service.

Thank you, my Lord for everything that you gave me this year and everything that you give me every single day of my life.
I beg your pardon for each and every wrong action that I took. Show me the right way.
Forgive me for those moments of sadness, anger, disbelief and loneliness. I´ve been weak.
Teach me how to deal with my weaknesses and how to suppress part of my ego.
Teach me how to be a better person.
Keep blessing all my family and beloved friends. And also those who don´t like me or whom I don´t like.
You know, my Lord, that I don´t like to ask things for me. I know I have enough and I am blessed. But You know what´s on my heart. So, I wish you to give me this thing. I´ve been waiting patiently, Lord.

Thank you for everything.

2005 - A RETROSPECT

2006-01-01T03:42:00.000+05:30

Hmmmmmmmmm....... *sigh*.......

Fine... alone here... the computer in front of me... almost 2006... a pizza in the oven..... well... well... well....

Let´s talk abt 2005, yaar??

I may say that this year has been totally different from any other year... totally new experiences and feelings...

Some points:

1. I finished my graduation project in the beginning of the year... finally!!! After postponing it for such a long time... got a good grade... I got relived and happy.
2. I met really good friends. Really good Indian dudes that I love.
3. I´ve learnt that things are not the way we see. Sometimes we create an image, an illusion and keep them in mind... being blind abt the reality... really bad thing to do, cause when we have to face the truth it really aches.
4. After 7 years of wishes, I got my car. Finally!!
5. I am still taking a PG course. That´s good. And I also met good buddies there.
6. I´ve closed my account in the bank.... ooooohhhhhhhhhh....... How I got relieved!!!!!!!! Thanks!!!!
7. I´ve found mera pyar... far away... but I´ve found and will fight for it.
8. I realized that I am 26 years old. And time passes quickly... *sigh*...
9. I think I´ve been a bit better person this year... more patient... but still have to improve in many aspects...
10. I´ve learnt that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.
11. I´ve passed the exam and now I am a real lawyer!!! Thanks God. I trusted Him all the time.
12. My faith has increased immensely... I trust Him blindly... although I have my moments of loneliness and lack of hope.
13. He knows how I had some desperate moments this year... but I had too many blessings. He is always with me and dry my tears...
13. I got a few disappointments... but really intense ones... *sigh*... and, as usual, He is helping me.

That´s it for now...

New Year

2006-01-01T00:17:00.000+05:30

It´s more than 12:00 am in India now...
I am chatting with Vishie... he is alone there... and seems to be drunk... *sigh*...
Hmmmm..... *sigh*..... I hate New Year´s eve..... and I am sad!!!!!!!!! And bored!!!!!!!!
Anyway...
I am going to translate a poem... my version, of course...

"New Year
Midnight.
End of a year and beginning of other.
I look at the sky: no sign.
I look at the sky: the abyss wins the look.
The same astonishing silence of the universe.
Like an ectoplasm above my head.
Nothing there indicates that a new year begins.
And it does not begin even in the sky
nor in the ground of the earth.
It begins with the hope of a better life
that among the stars is not heard
cannot be seen nor exist.
This is a men´s thing:
this star-like animal that dream (and fight)."

MOUNTAINS

2005-12-02T07:31:00.000+05:30

REMEMBER THIS, YAAR??
I CAME ACROSS IT RIGHT NOW...

"Often your tasks will be many,
And more than you think you can do.
Often the road will be rugged,
And the hills insurmountable, too.

But always remember, the hills ahead
Are never as steep as they seem,
And with faith in your heart, start upward
And climb till you reach your dream.
For nothing in life that is worthy,
Is ever too hard to achieve,
If you have the courage to try it,
And you have the faith to believe.

For faith is a force that is greater,
Than knowledge or power or skill,
And many defeats turn to triumphs,
If you trust in God's wisdom and will.

For faith is a mover of mountains,
There's nothing that God cannot do,
So start out today with faith in your heart,
And climb till your dream comes true."

a prayer

2005-11-22T09:21:00.000+05:30

hey i m reading this book named " The Power Of Your Subconscious Mind " .... its a nice book .. the power of subconscious mind .. the way u think abt urselves governs ur acts & the environment around u ... so if u feel bad & if ur sad .. u will be sad .. and if u think to be happy & confident .. u will be happy. So jst think positive.

It also says abt the power of Prayer. So never give up on to faith & prayer.

I jst wrote something ....

Dear God bestow upon me the power to deal love
Give my heart the intelligence to understand love
Give my senses the flavour to taste love
Give my mind the thought to tickle love !!

Dear God bestow upon me the power to keep love
Give my ego the warning not to fake love
Give my hatred the fear not to scare love
Give my conscious the alarm not to seduce love !!

Dear Lord bestow upon me the power of pure love
Let love entice me, and make me entice love
Let love intrigue me, and let me intrigue love
Let love cry me, But make me rejoice love !!

Oh dear god show me the way
Take thy to love !!

so i pray tht God give all of us the strongest of will, the best of moods, the longlasting smiles .. and may we keep moving ahead to realise our dreams & desires.

now wud u write something plzzz rennie ??

RENNIE:

Well... the old and good love topic... :P

It reminds me of a poem written by Luiz Vaz de Camões - a Portuguese writer... I´ve tried to find the English translation... but... *sigh*... could not find... I would not dare to translate it from Portuguese to English, cause it´s so subtle, so delicate... that I am afraid to spoil it... but... at least, it´ll be my version... hhmmmmm........

"Love is a fire that burns without being seen;
It´s a wound that aches without being felt;
It´s an unhappy happiness;
It´s a pain that struggles without aching.

It´s a not wanting more than wanting;
It´s a lonely walking amidst people;
It´s never feeling happy of happiness;
It´s a feeling of winning in losing.

It´s a wish to be tied by will;
It´s to serve the one who wins; the winner;
It´s to be faithful with the one who kills us;

But how can love cause friendship in humans´ hearts
if the same Love is so opposite to itself?"

Well... my prayer will come soon!!!

HERE IT GOES:

I always begin my prayers with this 1st phrase:

"Oh, Lord, Oh Energy of The Lord, please, engage me(us, in this case) in your service!

My Lord,
Give us wisdom and maturity to recognize each other.
Let our love be a demonstration of our love for You.
Let us love each other without expecting to receive.
Don´t allow anger, fear or jealousy in our hearts.
Let respect, honesty and commitment lead us.
Let our love increase as time passes.
Don´t let time transform our love in a simple friendship.
Don´t let life make us bitter, but stronger.
Let us love each other as if there were no tomorrow.

Let us be good and kind with our kids.
And give us knowledge to teach them how to live in Your path."

Hmmmmm...... not as good as yours.... ;)

Saudade

2005-11-11T00:28:00.000+05:30

Well... saudade, according to the dictionary... it´s a nostalgic memory of people or things that are far from us... or things from the past. Nostalgia.

It´s when we miss something...

It doesn´t matter what does the dictionary says... it´s something that aches deeply... and intensely...

I feel "saudade" of my distant friends... those with whom I share part of my life... but are far away from me... and how much I miss them.....

Strange thing, na... I also miss things that I haven´t lived yet... I miss the feeling of having some experiences... life experiences...

I miss somebody´s hands in my hair... I miss whispers in my ears... I miss the rain in the window while "we" watch TV...

I miss a smell I´ve never felt... I miss the look I´ve never seen... I miss the touch I´ve never felt... I miss a voice once heard... I miss the kiss I´ve never received... and I miss so many things... that I feel a knot inside myself...

I miss the wasted time... I miss the words I´ve never said...

I miss explicit demostrations of LOVE!!!!!

Anujie... how pathetic I am today.... maybe because it´s raining... don´t know... koi na jane... woh lamhe... hmmmm....

Anujie, you´ve already told me that we miss things cause we wish they were close... and you told me to answer this question: "why do we wish things to be close?"

I wish things to be close cause life is empty without them... I wish things to be close cause I love them. I don´t need to know someone to know that I love he/she and to want he/she close to me. I just love and need.

Hmmmmm...... My yaar has already said that there are things that are not necessary... like other people that we miss.......WE make them necessary... and what´s bad in that?? what´s good in that?

We just get attached... *sigh*... and sometimes we suffer...

But if we choose not to get attached, we´ll be egocentric/selfish ones... totally devoted to ourselves...

And what´s life when we cannot share things with others, when we´re not able to love and miss someone??

Hmmmmmmmmmmm....... *sigh*...

YOUR TURN, ANUJIE JI!!!! I MAY CONTINUE IT WHEN I AM BACK FROM COLLEGE... *SIGH*...

Now this is something intersting .... things tht i miss ....
A normal day .. things going fine .. u just wake up after a fine sleep .. didnt had a dream [ i rarely hav dreams .. and if i do they r highly PATHETIC ] .. but still theres a happy feeling .. something is around u .. u feel it .. and tht makes ur lips stretch & u smile .. and ur in the happiest of ur senses .. but then a wind blows .. the cool air touches ur skin .... u shiver .. and it is then tht the feelings change .... it is then tht u feel cold .. things around u start freezing .. u wish to get in to some closet .. u wish to hide .... the thing tht was pleasing u a time back .. isnt there .. or its there but u arent feeling it the way u felt it moments ago .... and then u knw how desperately u MISS this feeling .....

Everything around u sounds strange .. the surroundings mock the shock on ur face .. and the worst part is tht u r so helpless tht u dont even hav a clue tht where did all these feelings creeped in from. U miss something which u arent even sure of tht did it belonged to u or not !!

MIssing certain things is momentary .. u just wish tht u cud possess a certain thing at tht moment .. but u cant .. and thus u miss it .. but tht feeling doesnt stand long .. cause the needs & desires change frequently. BUt the thing tht hurts is tht feeling tht u MISS .. u MISS a feeling which just made u smile .. a feeling which u alwayz thought was ur creation .. which u thought belonged to u .. but did it really ?? U nevr knw .. cause u arent in a state to decide tht .... now all ur interested in is the pain this MISSING FEELING has brought !! ANd one cant really help it .... knowingly or unknowingly it is WE who hav chosen this pain of ourselves. In this world it is we who make our choices .. its our life & the decisions r ours only .... but the force tht derives it aint under our control ..... so ultimately its a PUPPET GAME .. with the strings rested in someoneelse's hands.

SO i desperately miss tht feeling of being happy .. i miss tht feeling of confidence which had always been my castle .... i miss tht bubbly me which got lost in its own deeds .... I miss those moments which i have lived & yet not made the most of them .... I miss the people i cud have met but didnt .... I miss the arduous challenges tht i cudnt manage to defeat .. i miss the love i havent yet found .....

so i m not alien to this "Saudade" .. rather i m very much in to it ..

WELL, I AM BACK!!!!!!!

Let´s see what do I have to say now... *sigh*...

You said "I miss desperately that feeling of being happy"... wow!!!!!! what a phrase ... it express perfectly this feeling!!! And also what I feel....

Now I ask you: what do you need to feel happy, to be happy??

You´ve said that missing some things is momentary... ok.... but we always keep finding other things to miss... maybe the object is momentary... but the feeling not....
I could say that human beings like to suffer....

But yaar.... some objects are eternal!

RENNIE.

ANUJ ::

I m reading this book by paulo coelho : " THE FIFTH MOUNTAIN " .... and it says .. " A child can always teach an adult 3 things :: to be happy for no reason, to always be busy with something, and to know how to demand with all his might tht which he desires " . But we have comeover tht stage of childhood i guess .... but theres still a child somewhere in all of us .. and it is due to this child only that we have few moments of hapiness in our lives. So when its the " CHILDISH YOU " on a go .. there has to be no reason for ur hapinnes .... and for one to be happpy there has to be no reason .. one is happy because one is happy .

And the sources of hapiness could be immense .. it depends on the present sate of ur life ...... for a women who has just gone through a miscarriage .. the smile of a baby by the roadside is a happy moment .... for a girl who just lost her doll .. a barbie advertisement is enough to make her smile & demand [ cause it is in times of hapiness tht we demand ] ..... for a girl whos missing her BF .. a rose in someones garden may make her blush .... for someone like me .. whos in a capricious mood most of the times ..a dimple in a girls cheek can make me go crazy .....

But of all these music is the most powerful stuff .... cause it is something which completes the missing part of anybodies life. It lets the hidden part of u come outside . And in a state of SUDADE .. it may either make u miss tht feeling somewht more desperately .. or it may calm down the errupting emotions. MUSIC is all powerfull ..

But whatever u do .. u cannot control it .. u might manage to put up a fake smile on ur face .. but u cannot fool thyself .. cause its all abt u .. its abt feeling hapinnes from inside .... ur happy only when ur heart laughs .... SO all u need to do is try talk to ur heart .. its hard .. very hard .. but u can convince thy heart .. u have won the battle of hapiness & sorrow .

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SWEETEST!!!!!

2005-11-06T05:29:00.000+05:30

Anujie´s birthday!!!!

2005-11-06T05:01:00.000+05:30

Dear blog,

Today is Anujie´s birthday...

I´ve been thinking abt what to give him... what to write to him.... but I really don´t know...

An old Irish blessing came to my mind...

"May the way under your feet be gentle,

the wind blow softly in your shoulders,

May the sun shine warmly in your face,

the rain fall calmly in your fields.

And until I see you again,
May God keep you in His hands."

A Little Bit of Crap [ No its not Crap - anuj ]

2005-10-21T06:39:00.000+05:30

Friday... 10/14/2005.
Almost 6:30 pm.
I am sitting in an empty classroom. Despite the time, there´s one bird singing outside.
This empty classroom smells like unused things.
Soon, this classroom will be crowded. Full of people with lives and stories. Each one of them carrying its loads, its sorrows, its happiness.
And what has brought all of them here today?
This empty classroom reminds me of myself. Of how I´ve been these days. Empty. Sometimes with a profusion of thoughts and contradictory feelings.
Has it been my choice to be here today? Everything I did in my life made me be here today...? Choices.
Did I want to be here today?
Did I make the right option?
Transition times.
And I feel so damn human with this pain of loneliness inside myself that sometimes I wanted to grab it with my hands and throw it away.
Maybe I am paying the price for a wrong option I´ve made in the past.
But was it really a choice? Or it has been that way because it was written to be that way?
I am feeling desperately lonely and melancholic.
I would be feeling the same way if I were in the middle of a crowd.
There is so much of myself in these corridors... I have spent many years of my life here.
I still remember the first day...
Each corner... each person...
My life is passing in front of me just like a movie...
And right now existence suffocates me.

Where am I?
Which has/have been the turning point/points of my life that made me be here now?
I see myself reflected in the window.
Who is the person I see?
Do I recognize myself?
Every little thing is a consequence of my faults and merits...
I don´t know if I feel like a puppet or a human being with free wills...
Where would I be right now if I´ve made other options?
Why do I feel this struggling pain inside myself, God?
I don´t know who am I, what am I doing here, why have I made certain options... I don´t know a thing...

I wont write abt this cause i will sound a bit more pathetic. Let me tell u a story ::

A boy resides his story ::

10th grade

As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called "best friend". I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her. She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

11th grade

The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Senior year

The day before prom she walked to my locker. My date is sick" she said; he's not going to go well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as "best friends". So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she isn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Graduation Day

A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "you're my best friend, thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

A Few Years Later

Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say "I do" and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said "you came!". She said "thanks" and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Funeral

Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend". At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me! `I wish I did too...` I thought to my self, and I cried.

..... I wont say a word again :(

why ??

2005-10-16T14:13:00.000+05:30

why is it me always .... who initiates the post. Newayzz just got a nice mail which i thought is worth posting here. Its got some nice lessons. I guess this blog is the only platform left for our communication .... newayzzzz ... here it is ::::

Lotus Touts

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their
conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want

FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.

FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't
have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only
way to live life completely.

TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile
and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others;
and responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to
correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your
voice.

TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

WELCOME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-10-10T02:10:00.000+05:30

"Each day when you're sad or blue
This gentle Rose I send to you
So you will know that I am near
Friendships true won't disappear."

"If you need me I am here
Every day throughout the year
Knowing that you've been the best
Friendship with a Rose be blest."

"Friends are like flowers
That's how it should be
So sweet and so special
Just naturally."

best of luck !!

2005-10-04T20:21:00.000+05:30

Well i m not sure abt it .... But i wud be leaving for my home may be tomorrow or may be the day after. Moms lap is waiting for me. So gotta go .

I even dont know whether u visit the blog anymore or not .... leave aside the question of posting here. But whtever .. ur life .. ur wish.

Wont be here for 4 - 5 days .... ur exams on 9 th .

So just wanted to say :::

Best of Luck. Dont panic. Its ur time now .... just Go & perform to the MAX ..

The battle field is all urs .. gather the courage .... And conquer it. In case of a reinforcement .. the BACKUP { Me } is always here.

Ciao.

frieNdsHip

2005-10-02T14:45:00.000+05:30

Read a new book named THE PROPHET by Kahlil Gibran. The book is total philosophy. The prophet is leaving the city to move to his homeland which has been his dream ... so to make the most of the moment the people of village seek knowledge abt the various aspects of life frm the Prophet. they ask him abt loVe, pain, friendship, marriage, religion &&&& .......

Heres wht the Prophet says abt frieNdsHip ....

Your friend is your needs answered.

He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.

And he is your board and your fireside.

For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.

When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the "nay" in your own mind, nor do you withhold the "ay."

And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart;

For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.

When you part from your friend, you grieve not;

For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.

And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.

For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.

And let your best be for your friend.

If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.

For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?

Seek him always with hours to live.

For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.

And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.

For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.

Some very nice thoughts. May be this will let me understand friendship better. AS most of the people believe tht i m quite misunderstanding .... Lets hope for the beSt.

Its a nice book. Download it by clicking on the link.
DOWNLOAD :: The Prophet

A Story

2005-09-28T01:56:00.000+05:30

[ WARNING :: This story is not being written as a note to gain sympathy or empathy. Its being written for some other stronger reasons. So no misinterpretations plzzzz ]

Well its a pathetic story but theres an urge inside me to write it here.

There is this boy who used to be very happy go personality, very joly kind of a person. But as they say "Winds blow & times change .. and as they change direstions .... things change .... people change" .So as time was on a run .... things changed & the boy changed. He was a normal guy .. among the ones who always longed for loVe ..... he was not like one of those Sycho "LOve Living Alone" guys ..... but he always wished for someone special in his life .... the one who could be a part of it.

But then as his badluck was worse then anybody cud have it on this damn earth [ he alwys used to think it tht way ] he never managed to get one. People came & people went ..... but he was alone ..... he remained alone. BUt then again life took a turn .. things started moving in certain positive directions [ Again he was the one who thought it this way ]. He found certain friends. As time passed people came closer ..... they became a part of his life.

But even his friends were no better then him ..... all they had to tell him were there problems ..... there goddamet problems .. and as an innocent creature [ which he thought he was ...lol ] he always tried to solve them. Gave them solutions ...confronted them .. gave them a shoulder to shed their tears. But never spoke a word abt the battle tht went endlessly inside him.

BUt as was written in his FATE .. he was supposed to be alone ..... things took a turn again. In course of time things got screwed ... they misunderstood him ... and as a human he also did the same .... misunderstood them. And then he realised one thing ..... the thing tht he shud have relised earlier ...... wht he was looking for was an illusion. THe people tht came & went were never meant for him .... they were there cause they were supposed to be there .... to play there parts .... to play there role so tht he cud realise wht he was realising now . ALL tht happened was not a sequence .... it was all PLANNEd. And it was meant to happen the way it happened.

But then why was he the one chosen to bear the pain. Or was everyone in the same MOOD .... were all in pain ?? And if they were was he unlucky then ?? And if everything was an illusion ..... was there a pain as such .... or even the pain was an illusion. Then wht the hell was real ????????? Or wht the hell is real .....

And he got lost in this MIST called life ....an illusion ..

And tht guy is definitely not me. But there r lots among them who have faced this time to time. May be even i had these illusions .... cause they were supposed to be there ..... as a part of my weird life .... but evryine is weird i guess ..isnt it ??

So then why the hell care abt it .....

All the boy & most of us wish is to discover this illusion called life. We see millions of people around us. Some sad, some mad, some happy, some fighting, some demanding ....... but apart frm being so very different we all r so very same.

We all desire to discover something we never understood. And the million dollar question is that will anyone of us succeed ????????? Lets see ......

PS ::::: Dear blog ....all this crap was written unpurposely. U are one of my creations. ANd since there r very few of them .. i cant let u die. SInce all these years of my life .... atleast i have learned how bad it is to be alone. SO forsure u wont be abandoned. I wont leave u ..... evr. Thts a promise.

TAGGED

2005-09-25T04:09:00.000+05:30

I hereby tag myself & u ......
Dare to reply !!

1. Where did we meet (i mean came to know each other):
2. How long have you known me:
3. How well do you know me:
4. Do I smoke:
5. Do I believe in God:
6. When you first met me(online ofcorz) what was your
impression:{Be Honest}
7. My age:
8. Hair color:
9. Color of eyes:
10. Do I have any siblings:
11. (If opposite sex) Have you ever had a crush on me:
(If same sex) Have you ever been jealous of me:
12. What's one of my favorite things to do:
13. What is the best feature about me:
14. Am I shy or outgoing:
15. Would ya say am funny:
16. Am I a rebel or do I follow all the rules:
17. Any special talents:
18. If there was one good nickname for me what would it be:
19. What songs make you think of me and WHY:
20. What do you think of me now:
21. How much did you miss me?:p (sorry i juz had to ask that)

ANSWERS HERE ::

TAGGED

2005-09-24T12:04:00.000+05:30

Ohhhhh...... what do we have here, uh??!!
Ok.. let´s go...

1. We came to know each other in India community.
2. More than 6 months, I think... I remember you were working in Delhi.
3. How well do I know you? Don´t know... is there a way to measure this?? I know when you are not in a good mood, I know which things I say that make you sad or happy. When I ask you if you´re eating, sleeping and studying, I know when you´re trying to hide the truth... I know you enough to trust you and tell you some things that I feel inside myself. I know many of your feelings related to many things... i.e. your family, your friends, your life, the "mess"... lol... And many other things... I know you enough to notice that you don´t send scraps to me anymore and I also know the reason.
4. You don´t smoke. At least, you have never told me something similar.
5. Yes, you believe Him.
6. Hahahahaha... well... I thought you were a bit insane... lol... kidding... just a bit weird... ;)
7. 20 years old.
8. Black.
9. Black.
10. You have 2 brothers.
11. What kind of questions are those, uh??!!!
12. Bakar; writing; listening to music; dancing... maybe eating... ;)
13. Best feature... hmmm... Tommy´s smile??!! lol... Your innocent face...
14. You´re shy.
15. You´re also funny.
16. You have a bit of both.
17. You write beautiful things... and should go deeper. You´re smart. Probably one of the best students in your class.
18. Hahahahaha.... Anujiiiiieeeeeeee!!!!!!!!! :D and Sweetest!!!! :D
19. Songs from the film Salaam Namaste. Why?? cause I know how much you like them.
20. A totally honest and sincere dude. Extremely protective.. at least with me; sensitive; kind; sometimes lonely...
21. No "sorry", plzzzzzz!!!!!!! I miss you a lot!! I think we could spend great times together... and mainly writing together. A cup of coffee and loads of chocolate together would be nice :D

YOUR TURN NOW!!!!

WEll u hav already written such beautiful answers tht my shiver while writin this. And i knw they arent going to be good.

1. I already told u tht in the morning. Shud i write it here ?? I guess no need.
2. its been 5 months. But seems like its a days back story only. lol ... theres a long road ahead ;)
3.well its a damn difficult quest. I didnt understood how come u managed to answer it so well. Well i will have a go at it. Lets see.

REnnie .. since last 5 months i gradually come to know u. And i have come to knw a very good thing abt u .... and its tht if u have friends ..the one u really care for .. then u nevr let them go .. evn if they r too bad. I havent been good to u .. yet u nevr let me go .. u were always there to listen this nuisance. And apart frm this ....u LOVE india. u believe in GOD. I come to knw when u dont feel good, when u need me. And tht ur a bit confused .. very bored tht nothings happening in life but i knw u will find ur way. And tht u love chocolates & icecream. And all tht i wrote in ur testimonial.

WEll bad things abt ya .... i guess i shudnt write it here.And dont evn ask me ;)

4. i think u dont.
5.Ur a strong believer in GOD.
6. WEll i just wanted to be friends with u. And i found u very friendly.
7. 26
8. brown ( i guess )
9. Black ( i have no idea .... i nevr peeped in to them )
10. yups u have an elder bro whos happily married. ANd hes sweet.
11. even i wont answer this !!
12. umm i have lots of thigs in my mind .... firstly writing here .. listening music.. meditating .... learning HINDI ... and eating .
13. umm ur a nice friend .. very caring ..
14. shy
15. ya u r at times
16. a mix of both. But u follow more rules thn i do
17. u write some nice poems .... but nevr show them to me. And all other talents r hidden frm me.
18. rennie ... And dumbo !!
19. may be songs of SALAAM NAMASTE .
20. ur a very good friend and a nice person. And i m lucky to have u here.
21. umm there nevr came a time when i had to miss ya .... u were always around. And be like tht. Ciao . Bye & tc.

RENNIE´S COMMENTS:

Good, yaar. I liked it.

2. Yes... it seems to be a long time...
3. Bad things abt me... hmmm... what should them be??
4. I do... but don´t tell anybody, ok?? I am going to quit it before going to India.
8. Black.
9. Dark brown... almost black... but I ususally say they´re black.
12. Also reading.
18. Hahahahahaha!!! Dumbo!!!! You´re a dumbie!!! ;)
21. Rennie will always be around!!

Well done, dear!!!

Here Comes the Rain Again

2005-09-18T12:51:00.000+05:30

REnnie to make things normal just say HIM/HER :::::

REnnie wrote ::
It´s raining here now. It reminds me of Eurythmics´ song:

"Here comes the rain again
Falling on my head like a memory,
Falling on my head like a new emotion.
(...)
Here comes the rain again
Raining in my head like a tragedy,
Tearing me apart like a new emotion.
I want to breathe in the open wind."

And the feeling is not good now.

This night has been "one of those nights"... *sigh*...

When life shows you two ways and you have to choose one of them and give up the other... causing damages and destruction.

One of those times when you really have to make an option, believing that it´s the right one and abdicating everything because of this belief.

One of those times when you really have to hurt someone cause you can´t go on with some situation.

One of those times when tears roll down so easily and the pain comes so easily too...

A time of broken promises and broken hearts. A time to say sorry and to feel guilty.

A time to be tough and cruel although you´re hurt inside.

And it´s falling on my head like a tragedy.

ANUJ here :::::::::

AHEM .. There seems to be something serious here.

Well the song was very touching. And if u think me worth it .. cud u plz tell me ur problems. I dont promise u to provide solutions .... may be i wont be able to .. but i will do the best tht i can ..... to be right there .. next to You. realise this tht ur not alone who will be facing all the agony .....

Umm few days back i was in a similar kind of state ..... and saying tht i have come over it wud be very unfair & misleadind ..... but i have learned to cope up with it & still put up a smile.

well to tell u somethin .....

THE AIM OF MY LIFE ::
If theres any soul crying out there .. any soul in pain .... then i AIM not be the cause or even a cause of the cause.

( And to tell u the truth this AIM came in to existence when i realised how badly i had hurt someone once .. and became the cause of millions of tears shed. )

But then we all r humans arent we ..... we have the right to be wrong. Things tht we dont want ..... ever ... not even in nightmares .... do happen . And may be we r the cause of the happening but nothing is intentional ..... and tht holds the key to our innocence of being HUMAN .

So if u have broken someones heart ... then it might not be intentional ..... or may be the person himself is responsible for everything hes going through. Well as u have known me since last few months ...... u may realise tht criticising THYSELF is easy .... but it does not help the other person in pain.

The best one can do on his part is an apology. A sorry (to assure tht this wont happen ever again) and a smile ( to assure tht ur always there to ensure tht it never happens again) will do. SO , just go out of the block .... and do it.

Experience the TRYST with pain .... but never let it CONQUER you !!

2005-09-15T18:02:00.000+05:30

Firstly there is no question of eGo . It all tht i have nothing to write. Lifes in dismay these days .... a state of tUrmoil.

Well its been raining here since last 2 days & due to a class i was bound to get out. And it is this time tht i realised how badly i hate rAins. The roads sUck. And to add up to the frustration i got out in floAters. I hate my feet being wEt ........ yUkkkkkkkkk .

Sleeping a lot these days .....and i hate it. Rather i started finding hAte & unpleasing things in every thing i do under the sUn. Lifes goin through .... approaching hEll. The heights of frustration . The willingness of being lOnely.

I m reading this book titled :::: a BEND in the rIver by V S NAIPAUL .

And one of its paragraph says ::

" I was acting. There r times when we act out what we really feel, times when we cannot cope with certain emotions, and it is easier to act."

How true a statement !!

So u see Rennie ...... theres no fun ..... and nothing to write. Everythings so stagnant & repelling. And at this time i wish to run away far ...far ..... away ...

So rennie ur turn .... i knw u have better stuff to tell !!

My turn, yaar!!!!!

Wow!!!!!!
You´ve been amazing!!!!!!
I love this existencialist stuff!!! That´s why my favourite author is Jean-Paul Sartre.

According to the dictionary, "existencialism" means: "the modern system belief made famous by Jean Paul Sartre in the 1940s in which the world is meaningless and each person is alone and completely responsible for their own actions, by which they make their own character."

You should read his book "La Nausée" which would firstly be called "Melancholy". It´s brilliant!!!

Indeed, yaar, I love rainy days ... I feel like the whole world has stopped... and there´s only me and the rain... a good book... or just silence...

But going out in a rainy day can be interesting... remember the cup of coffee?? A quiet place hidden somewhere and the rain gently touching the roof, the window...

And yes... I know there are times like that ... frustration, loneliness, a deep pain... but c´est la vie... that´s life. We just can´t let the rain take us and pull us with it.

The divine strenght must be found out inside us. And we must go on.
The work has to be done.

I loved this post!

RENNIE.

Crap

2005-09-09T09:16:00.000+05:30

"Here, locked in this marble and stone tower
Through the window I see devils and angels
Wandering through the darkness of the sky.
The agony of existence impregnates the walls
leaving signs of trials.
The red coach of freedom is gone
To an unknown place
Maybe it won´t be back… never more.
Here, in this prison made of stone
Many things appear… every kind of things.
You can hear the doors creaking
If there is somebody else here?
I don´t know.
Maybe only me.
Maybe what is here is only a rest of mind
A memory of a hiden despair.
Stop the bells
They don´t bring anything new
They only indicate the subtle division between the night and the deepest night.
The stars are still hanging through fine fibers
And the angels cry
Happiness is an unknown feeling.
In this frontier land happiness is rare
Fire horses have burning hearts and its eyes occupies the immensity
Darkness fell upon us as the world´s loads."

10 things I hate abt you - revisited

2005-09-08T03:42:00.000+05:30

1) I hate when you leave the conversation without saying a word!!!!!!! I really hate that!!!!!
2) I hate when we talk talk talk and say anything.
3) I hate when you´re sarcastic.
4) I hate when you say you won´t post here anymore.
5) I hate when we have arguments... (indeed, I love... they´re funny... lol)
6) But I hate when you take every little thing seriously.
7) I hate not talking to you.
8) I hate when you say you´re not important.
9) I hate when you say "I don´t care".
10) I hate your silence.

Rennie.

It has been enough now ....

I promised i wont ever write here .... but dont knw why against my ego i m posting here . May be ur abt to see a changed anuj. grrr ... it hardly matters.

There is almost nothing tht i hate abt u now...

1. I just hate it when ur so right & i m so wrong. Very sarcastic & higly possessive. Inhumanistic u can say .
2. And i hate it when i have to say tht i wont write ever .. and then i have turn up against my will.
3. I hate it when u dont consider this blog to be urs & say " QUIT " as if it just means a word of 4 letters.
4. I hate it when i feel so lonely
5. I hate it when u misunderstand.
6. I hate it ........... lol .......

Its enough now . My will just bounced back . So i will have to go.

I will always be there when u need me
I wont hide , wont run away when u call
I will always be there for u in hapiness & need
U wont see me but i m there .. next to u
Watching out tht ur not hurt, ur not in pain
I wont let agony touch u , I wont let sorrow inspire u
I will bring u laugh & motivate u to live
But dont expect me to be normal .... cause i m a human !!

Take care, Rennie.

Inside Out

2005-09-08T03:34:00.000+05:30

Inside Out

I think I have never told such a "big lie"... I try not to lie and to be always sincere... Maybe the biggest lies are the ones I tell myself...
But the bigger lie that can ever exist is: "time is a good healer".

My deepest fear abt growing old is to discover that I have never done the things I wanted. That I have never said "I love you" for those I wanted to say it... That I have not lived enough.

Well...the longest nights... the ones I keep thinking abt India. And last night has been a really long one...

The angriest letter... None... I guess...

The boy I swore I would never leave... A friend...the sweetest one... Anujie... Indeed, I did not leave him... he left me.

The one I kissed on New Year´s eve... nobody.

The sweetest dream I had last night... well... many... maybe a pillow fight... lol...

My darkest hour... I had many dark and lonely hours... sometimes I still have them...

My hardest fight... hmmmm.... don´t know... maybe one I had with my brother some years ago... maybe the one with my father this year... but they passed...

The saddest song I´ve ever heard is "Ne me quitte pas". A French one. Means "Don´t leave me".

The most I said with only one word... tough question... don´t know... maybe 3 words... "I love you".... it means a lot...

The loneliest prayer I ever prayed... all my prayers are lonely...

The truest vow I have ever made... The vows I make to my friends... they come from my heart.

Many things make me laugh... When I see a young child I smile... when I play with my pets I laugh... When I talk to everybody I laugh... I am always laughing...

What makes me cry... my friends sadness. The other´s pain.

What makes me mad... lol... when somebody hang up the phone on me... lol.... in the traffic I get mad... lol... Lies and omissions.

God gets me by...

The highest hight and the lowest low... I am both...

RENNIE.

Here it goes!!!!!!!! This topic is abt The discovery of Ourselves.... Finding ourselves.... what does it mean??

2005-08-30T21:14:00.000+05:30

Hmmmmm....... *sigh*...... my mind is a bit slow today... lol....
I shall list some of the meanings that in my opinion represent the action of "finding ourselves"...

1)Meditation;
2)Harmony between reason and emotion (a bit tough...);
3)Internal peace;
4)The search of God inside and outside us;
5)Trying to control our reactions;
6)Unconditional love. Loving the others unconditionally leads us to God and so, to self-knowledge;
7)Acting without expectations (also.. a bit tough);
8)Do our best in everything;
9)Silence;
10)Watching the sunset, the sky at night... trying to realize how insignificant we are.

I guess it´s not very good... *sigh*...
Go on, Anujie... your turn... :D

Finding Thyself ::

Finding Myself has always been really really hard. To state it very precisely i never even understood wht finding thyself means ...... does it mean discovery hapiness ( cause they say hapiness lies within )..... or to speaking spiritually looking for something called soul. Well as an engineer ( one of our professors even used to call us scientists & indeed sometimes it feels as if we really r scientists ).... having more of a logical approach, stabilising belief on facts & logics ..... i always questioned such stuff .......

Gita says loads of things abt humans just being a bodily form ..... wht ultimately they r is a SOUL . Then they talk abt god ....( i do believe in him .. i always call for him whenever in pain & agony ....whenever confused ...or lonely ) but then is there anything called GOD ..... has anyone seen him. But even science is based on various assumptions .....yet we believe on them completely ..blindly.

dont knw whether there exists God or not but there certainly is a power ....an aura tht governs ....our deeds & life as a whole. And rennie says ( very sweetly ) tht finding oneself means reaching to that apitome whereby u can feel tht aura or tht power.

They say "PEEP INSIDE" .... But how ?? meditation ....lol ... icouldnt concentrate well on my life how could i concentrate on one of the most serious & difficult exercises.

Well as and when i have grown frm my experiences & thoughts i have learned tht one can find the inner self may be by LOVE . Its the most purest form ( atleast i understand it tht way ). Wont describe LOVE here (lol ....its easy to write crap abt this topic ) but would definitely say one thing tht LOVe can make one feel as if :: its fire, desire, reaching the threshold, the unreachable, getting the ungettable and i feel this feeeling of achieving the ultimate can make one fell happy ....the happiest .......and may be thts when one can feel hes found himself ... lol ... though in another body. (but does body really matter here ).

Anujiiieee!!!!! This is amazing!!!! You got the point!!!!! I am ashamed with my poor answers... and proud of you!!!!!! Really...

RENNIE.

Dumbo and Dumbie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-08-29T04:43:00.000+05:30

Here is The Dumbo!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!!

And here is The Dumbiiieeee!!!!! Or maybe here is The Dumbo and there is The Dumbiiieee... LOL... who knows... lol....

An Introduction !!!!

2005-08-27T01:33:00.000+05:30

Hey this is another collection of pictures. May be a formal introduction abt the two. Rennieee hope u like it ......

The dude !!
She says he is nice . The Sweetest !!

The dudieeeee !!
He says she is nicer. Sweetly Bitter !! (she would start crying )

It would be fun to be together !!

When Dudieee messes with Dude !!

The Dude has got Style !!

Dudiee is nicer !!

Once again dude has got a gift :::: A symbol of unconditional love ....a man & a mermaid !!

So dudieee !! Wht do u think haan .... i post better pictures naa .....hahahaha .... i m a devil ..... but ur not an angel either ....lol .... bidirectional criticism !!

Cooooooolllllll!!!!!!! Really cool, dude!!!
But... who told you that I am not an angel??? Haven´t you seen my wings??? ;)
RENNIE.

DUDEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-08-25T06:49:00.000+05:30

ANUJIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

YYYAAAPPPPPIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

A few solutions to Anujie and Vishie´s problem: hunger at night... Sigh

2005-08-25T06:36:00.000+05:30

A few solutions to Anujie and Vishie´s problem: hunger at night... *Sigh*

1) If you have dinner and go to bed abt 2 hours after, I guess you won´t be hungry. I mean: go to bed early… don´t spend the night doing “bakar”.
2) Every day, during the breakfast (if you wake up and don´t lose the breakfast) pick some biscuits, bread and maybe some fruits… then, take them to your room to eat at night... ;) But plz… be a good dude and share them with your friends….
3) Drinking water is a good solution… lol….
4) Steal the caffeteria key and make a copy... When things begin to disappear, people may think that there are rats there…. Big and hungry rats!!!!! Hahahahahahaha...
5) Ask your mother to send food every week... Mainly chocolate… but don´t forget to give me a piece… :D

Bahut *ssiiiggghhhh*

A few treats....

2005-08-22T04:26:00.000+05:30

1) This is me.... sleeping....

2) This is what you do in the classroom.... lol...

3) This is the Taj Mahal... *sigh*

4) The Taj Mahal... again... *sigh*

5) This is the pic you like

6) This is Shri Radhakrishna Temple in Kanpur

7) Another Kanpur pic...

Kanpur is the most important industrial centre in Uttar Pradesh. It lies on the banks of the Ganga. It is famous for leather and textile goods of fine quality. It is now one of the major industrial cities with aviation, wool and leather industries, cotton, flour and vegetable oil mills, sugar refineries and chemical works.

8) Gwalior Fort

9) Gwalior again...

10) The love asks the friendship: "What do you do?" And friendship answers: "I dry the tears you drop."

11)... *sigh*... I forgot it... ice cream and chocolate!!!!!!!!!!!!

10 things specially for u Rennieee !!!!!

2005-08-20T22:42:00.000+05:30

Hey rennie sorry i really made u sad today. I spoiled everything. So i have come up with few special things for u ................. Hope u enjoy them .........

1. A Warm Welcome ::::

2. A Sweetie ....... for a cutieeee !!

3. A Beautiful Song ::::

4. This wont make u Cry !!

5. A Big flirt !!! Thats me infact ::::

6. The Dude .... He has to be here ::::::

7. The Nation U like ::::

8. A Beautiful Poem ::::

9. A Nice Smile ::::

10 . Finally a *sigh* ::::

How was it dear !!!!
Few Gifts frm a Friend !!

Oh, Anujiiiiiieeeeeeeeee... thank you, dear... It´s beautiful!!!!! In the part of the flag I almost cried... come on... I didn´t deserve that... You´ve been really sweet... Thank you again!!
I was not sad... not even angry with you... and don´t say sorry again yaar... ok??
One more thing: GO TO BED!!!!!!!!!!!! Hahahahahahaha!!!!
RENNIE.

SIGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NEW TOPIC: 10 WAYS TO LOSE A GIRLFRIEND :D

2005-08-20T22:36:00.000+05:30

Ok.......... *sigh*... This new topic is abt: 10 (or maybe more) ways to lose a girlfriend!!!!!!!!!!!!

1) Never say "I love you". Wait until the day she finds someone who really loves her and tells her that.
2) Keep going out with your friends in every free time you have. We really love this!!!!!!!! Ggggrrrrrrr!!!!!
3) Don´t show interest in meeting her family. And don´t invite her to meet your family too....
4) Don´t ask her abt things related to her life, just as: "Did you have your car fixed?"; "How was your day?"... and things like that....
5) Always be rude and curt.
6) Flllliiiirrrrrrrttttttttt a lot with other girls.... I guess you won´t mind when she does the same!!! Hahahahahaha!!!!!!!!
7) Keep receiving strange callings in your phone in the middle of the night... or even during the day...
8) Forget the plans you have made. All of them!!!!!!!
9) Leave her waiting for you ..... always!!
10) Treat her badly in front of your family and friends.
11) Tell everybody that she is jealous!!! This is amazing!!!!!!!!!
12) Tell your friends abt your life with her.... every detail.... ok???????
13) Tell lies....and omit things!! This is really important!!
14) Don´t call her... even when you said you would do that! Probably she is not waiting for your call....
15) Make her feel the second best.... she really needs to feel it......
16) Don´t share your life, your problems, your doubts, your expectations with her....
17) Don´t be gentle...
18) Don´t whisper sweet things in her ears....
19) Don´t kiss her....
20) To be continued.........

Anujiiiiiiiiieeeeeeee!!!!!!!! Your turn: 10 ways to lose a boyfriend:

Hey for this i will have to look in to wht expectations will i have frm my girl ....... lol ........ i never did tht ...... but i will try .....

1. She should become very undecent & in-innocent (very wicked)
2. her focus should be on my money & not me
3. She would want me to be someone else then what i m ....
4. She gives me a feeling : " I am being used ".
5. She plays games with me (literally) i.e. lying & all .... being pretentious
6. She doesnt treat people i love the way they deserve it....
7. With all my efforts if shes not able to understand me ......its over
8. she tries to find issues out of small incidents & fights
9. and ofcourse if she doesnt maintain a reciprocal relationship ... though givin less
10. If she doesnt love me ( i will definitely come to knw abt it ).
11. If she doesnt like icecreams & chocolates ......... lol
12. If she avoids accepting me among her friends & known ones .....

And obviously if I propose her & she rejects me ( Not knowing what a JEM kind of a person I m ) ........ lol

Well thts all i can think abt Rennieeeeee !!!!
May pratically the expectations will change. I believe in compromises.
lol .... she would loose me if she dares to call me her YOUNGER BROTHER ....
*SIGH*

10 things that come to mind related to LOVE ::::

2005-08-18T23:13:00.000+05:30

Ok, Anujiiiiiiieeeeeee!!!!!!!!!! Here it is!!!!!!!!! Finally!!!!!!!!!

1) Complicity.
2) Sacrifice.
3) Eternity.
4) Unconditional.
5) Happiness.
6) Sincerity.
7) Hahahahahaha.... won´t say..... lol....
8) Peace.
9) Ocean.
10) Care.

*SIGH*.........

Hey Rennieeeee !!!! Now lets see it with a different perspective ::::::

1. Flirt ........ lol ;)
2. Being ruled by someone else
3. Will have to sleep early ....... grrrrr
4. hey u guessed it wrong !! Peace ....... theres none ....... love is a battlefield ....
5. should be unconditional .... agreed
6. Another person to be taken care of ........... ugghhhh these resposibilities ....
7. motivation
8. Strength to confess ( i mean propose ) ......... lol never had that .......
9. LUCK ...... & DESTINY ....... never had any ........ ( no i m not sobbing )

10 . Finally to sum up :::: its fire, desire, reaching the threshold, the unreachable, getting the ungettable, ................

May be will knw it better if destiny wishes to ....... Hmmmmmm .....

Hey Rennie !!!! I forgot to tell u abt one more thing tht comes to my mind when i think abt LOVE ....... any guesses ............................. ummmmmmmmmm .............. hmmmmmm

Its Walks ......... Mornin walks ....... Two souls walkin down the road ...... with everything aroud them just beginning to move & yet it feels so settled & unmoving ........ and they wish the moments to stop ......... forever .............

The meaning Of our names ......... lol

2005-08-18T01:35:00.000+05:30

Found this on ORKUT ...

Find out what each letter of your name means.Then connect all the meanings and it describes you.If you have double or triple letters just count the meaning once.

A - You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.
B - You are always cautious when it comes to meeting new people.
C - You definately have a partier side in you, don't be shy to show it.
D - You have trouble-trusting people.
E - You are a very exciting person.
F - Everyone loves you.
G -You have excellant ways of viewing people.
H - You are not jugdmental.
I - You have a bad temper sometimes.
J - J=jealously
K - You like to try new things.
L - Love is a hard word for you to comprehend.
M - Success comes easily to you.
N - You like to work, but you always want a break.
O - You are very open-minded.
P - You have a lack of understanding people, you only focus on you.
Q - You are a hypocrite.
R - You are a social butterfly.
S - You are very close-minded.
T - You have an attitude, a big one.
U - You feel like you have to equal up to people's standards.
V - You are very verbal..
W - You like your privacy.
X - You never let people tell you what to do.
Y - You cause a lot of trouble.
Z - You're always fighting with someone.

So now whats the meaning of our names ...........

ANUJ :::::::

A - You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.
N - You like to work, but you always want a break.
U - You feel like you have to equal up to people's standards.
J - J=jealously

Jealous MEEEEEEEEE !!!!! May be ..............

RENATA :::::::::

R - You are a social butterfly.
E - You are a very exciting person.
N - You like to work, but you always want a break.
A - You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.
T - You have an attitude, a big one.

Attitude UUUUUU !!!!!!! May be ...........

Lets see what our nick names mean. That is how do we see each other :::::::: this is experimental i havent seen whether its good or bad ........ so be ready for the surprises .........

Anujie ::::::

A - You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.
N - You like to work, but you always want a break.
U - You feel like you have to equal up to people's standards.
J - J=jealously
I - You have a bad temper sometimes.
E - You are a very exciting person.

Rennie ::::::::

R - You are a social butterfly.
E - You are a very exciting person.
N - You like to work, but you always want a break.
I - You have a bad temper sometimes.

Well r there any surprises .................Hey waitin for ur new post dear !!!!!!!!!Do it ASAP ................

10 Reasons why Anujiee Dont Sleep !!

2005-08-16T03:22:00.000+05:30

Hey rennieee !! This is the thing that has been haunting u for so long and as a good friend u have been suggesting me not to play with my time........ but as a weird stubborn child i never listened to these grandma tips ......... how insensitive of me.

So i would like to propose 10 reasons why i dont wish to sleep :

I love to waste my time ( ugghhhh i m a DEVIL )
The nights r so beautiful & quite ( I wish to talk to it sometime )
This damn computer that i have in my room never lets me do that
This DEVIL buddy internet has so much to offer other than studies ,.........
Telling people in the morning that i didnt slept at night scares them ...... and lol thats FUN !!
Well i dont feel that sleepy as well ....
Then the fun of talking to u , i dont want to miss it .....
If i sleep early it feels as if i wasteed my time ....... lol i never utilise it either .......
Then most of my friends including my roommate r VAMPIRES ....... they dont suck blood ...... rather they dont sleep .......

Finally , i love writing these posts in the night ........ so cool ........ so dark ....... a pre requisite of light ....

So now if u really have some time frm ur studies ( i knw ur too busy ) would u mind putting some light on reasons WHY I SHOULD SLEEP ........

Let´s play hard here, Anuj Panwar!!!! 10 REASONS WHY YOU MUST GO TO BED EARLY:

1) You´re there not on vacation. You´re preparing your future life.
2) It´s healthier.
3) Your parents are spending time and money with you and you are wasting their sacrifice.
4) One day you will surely regret what you have wasted.
5) You should not let yourself be influenced by your friends.
6) You should be studying instead of spending hours and hours in front of the computer.
7) You don´t feel sleepy in the night but sleep in the classroom.
8) Internet offers you satisfaction now. Your studies will offer you satisfaction in the future when you might work and get married.
9) The nights are beautiful and quiet in order to give you a peaceful sleep.
10) Telling people that you didn´t sleep at night don´t make them scared.... it leaves a bad impression abt yourself.

CONVINCED???

RENNIE.

10 reasons why Rennie should have been born in india

2005-08-14T12:44:00.000+05:30

Well dudes let me tell u a dictum :::: This girl was wrongly sent to that country , Brazil.

Maybe when few angels were given its souls a body, they couldn´t find one in India, and thus with no options left they choose Brazil. I don´t konw what a true Brazilian is like (though she is a FOOTBALL fan) but she is not meant for that country.

Ok, Anujie... let me help.... :D

So here i m with 10 reasons why Rennie should have taken birth in India:

1. She is more like an Indian ......... cute but devil ........ (Anujie!!! Am I a devil??!!)
2. She does not believe in Jesus......... though belongs to a catholic family (Indeed, I believe in everything, even in Jesus... I just don´t follow Catholic church...)
3. So that she could have been more close.
4. I love India.
5. I want to live there.
6. I want Indian sons :D
7. I love Bangalore.
8. I love the languages, the culture and so on...
9. I feel a half Indian... hahahahaha....
10. I love my Indian friends!!!!!!!!

I have many more reasons... but it´s enough by now.....

10 things I hate in YOU!!!!!!!

2005-08-14T03:14:00.000+05:30

Ok....

1) I hate when you tell me to post first.
2) I hate when you say I have to find a subject.
3) I hate when you say that I am busy... even if I am really busy.
4) Hahahahahahaha.... I love Tom cruise´s pic but I hate when you don´t change it.
5) I hate when you don´t sleep.... hahahahaha....
6) I hate when you say "aur sunao"... lol...
7) I hate when you get angry for silly things.
8) I hate writing this topic.
9) I hate when you don´t have classes.... lol...
10) And I hate.

And also.... I hate when you just keep saying "hmmmmmmmm"

*Sigh*

And I also hate when you tell me you´re hungry... cause I don´t know why don´t you keep some eating stuff in your room.... and I feel helpless cause I can´t go there to give you some biscuits!!! And Vishwa is hungry too!!! OMG...

Your turn, Anujie!!!!!!!!!!!

10 things i hate abt RENNIE

I hate it when u *sigh* (rather i love to do that ..... lol)
I hate u being born in brazil (u should have been born in India)
I hate it when u say "I 'll get something to eat" & make me feel hungry
I hate it when u force me to sleep (to tell u the truth i love it)
I hate when ur busy & dont respond
I hate when u misinterpret the messages i write & get a feeling that i m angry
I hate u not telling the indian stuff to parents
I hate the distance btw.
I hated it when u said u would be in india but in BANGALORE .....
And all in all I hate u keeping some secrets........

Oh i forgot......... mostly i hate it when u dont tell me ur poems........... ugggghhh....... when ??

The few things i love abt u ::

I love it when u care
I love it when u force me to sleep & all those lectures of being good............ ugggghhhhh.........
I love it when u laugh ......... rather u say hahahahahahaha..........
I love it when u ask for an icecream & i have eaten it........ lol
I love it when i dont change the tom cruise pic & u show me those tears...........

And i liked that u finally wrote this post first.
Thank u

ANUJIE .

Thanks to you Anujie!!!!

I love when you write all the posts :D... hahahahahahaha....
I love when you say "yuppiiiieeee"... it´s really funny.
I love when you do what you have to.
I love your care and attention.
I love your poems... they´re really good!!!
I love your sincerity.
I love sending those tears... hahahahaha.... and also the broken heart.... :D
I love when you say "duddie" :D
All in all, I love our friendship!!! I hope it lasts forever.

RENNIE.

10 Things I hate Abt......... Myself

2005-08-12T14:00:00.000+05:30

"I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car.
I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme.
I hate it, I hate the way you're always right.
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it that you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call.
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all. " .......

The most beautiful poem one can ever write. ( Its frm a movie ).

Its time to tell 10 Things I Hate Abt Myself :

I hate the way i look
I hate my insincerity
I hate my easyness ( i hardly worry )
I hate how easily i trust people
I hate the way i treat people i dont like
I hate how desperate i become at times
I hate the way i waste time fooling around
I hate the way i m writing this
I hate the way i miss her
I hate, how pathetically i long for LOVE ..........

*sigh*

Rennie ur really sweet but would u be kind enough to tell me : The 10 things u hate abt URSELVES ............ The keyboard is in ur court ..... Have a go ........

My turn now... hahahahahahahaha.... Really cool post!!! I liked it a lot!!!!!! Just one more thing, Anujie... this *sigh* I took from a friend... and now, you´re taking it from me.... *sigh*... And... one more thing.... aren´t you sincere???? :o

I hate missing people and mainly my bear.

I hate myself when I am in a bad mood.

I hate not being in India.

I hate myself when I eat... lol.....

I hate the anger I feel when I see an injustice.

I hate myself when I waste time.

I hate my lack of knowledge abt computers.

I hate my age.

I hate my face when I wake up and my hair when I don´t have it cut regularly.

And yes... I hate my desperation sometimes...

Introspective

2005-08-12T02:33:00.000+05:30

Something creeps in to u !! U dont feel well (not medically) , theres something up in ur head that irritates u. U dont feel like doin anything, nothing seems to be worth. Filled with all sorts of EVILS u walk towards darkness ........ trying to hide ........... From whom ?? May be URSELVES.

I mean its kind of human nature, whenever things dont go ur way, the mind doesnt feel "AT HOME "......... the heart sanks .......... u dont wish to talk, eat and even the best of friends seem to be enemies ........... u try to be alone........ walking in my wing ........ I move towards the balcony ....... towards darkness . I know this girl who writes very good poems & says they r all crap ...... Whats it that ur hiding pal ?? ...... why do people wish to hide ....... criticise ..... again moving towards darkness.

Introspective : Examining own sensory and perceptual experiences ( dictionary meaning )

Well may be examining urselves is the hardest deal one has to do ......... but at the same time its the easiest as well . In a world of fake faces its only YOU whom u know very well ....... but all u do is --> pretending not knowing THYSELF ................. trying to hide from THYSELF ......... looking for best friend when theres one inside U.

One sees the beauty of rains, the sound of running water, the soothing music, the chirping of birds, the cool breeze ........... u think them all to be very beautiful .............. not knowing that something inside u is more beautiful. We hide emotions as if we would get a death sentence if we dared to express them .................. THIS GODDAMN EGO !!!!

In all these horrible lonely days to wish to see light ....... a light thats inside me. The light of self - knowledge . I wish to be introspective.

Rennie what do u have to say abt it :

Well... my turn now....
Introspective... this is how I am today... don´t know why.... just woke up like that.... As a friend says, I think a lot... and should stop doing that.... sure... but I think... and think....
Abt my life, my plans, the things I have to do tomorrow and next year.... *sigh*....
Everything in my life takes a long time to happen.... what happens easily in somebody else´s life, in mine it´s not that easy.... It has always been like that.... But the taste of victory after struggling to make things happen is better... even better than when things come easily....
I know that in the end I am going to reach the things I want... but the way is long and sometimes dark... sometimes I get lost... and want to give up everything.... but nobody can live my life for me...
And... just like says in the song: "And so it is... life goes easy on me... most of the time...."

RENNIE.

Its rainin MEN

2005-08-10T12:00:00.000+05:30

Anuj Starts here :

Rainy days..... very beautiful....... very weird. Looking out of my want ( as she said me to ) i see a clear yet clouded sky. The cool air strikes my face....... bringing with it the fragnance of life and nature. It seems to sing & dance . Talking to your soul....... fast, furious yet very cool........
Making everything swing with it......... the trees....... grasses........ birds........ clouds....... thoughts.... feeelings .....
Its like a pendulum of nature.

Well when it rains the streets suck. Its all mess.... but then its woth a price one has to pay to have those beautiful sunset views.... that cool air ..... and the sound of running water.

All thats missing is a soulmate. Imagine a pair walking down the road.....
- all wet yet they have a warmth to share.....
- very near yet very far....
- under one single umbrella.... under the clouded sky.... they share the rain of emotions inside them....

Under these clouds..... under the unborn sun... and along the cool breeze ..... I long for the umbrella & the soul....

UR turn rennie :

Let´s see what can I do abt the rain, Anujie!!!!

Well... when it´s raining I just keep listening to the sound of the water... flowing and flowing... and for some instants, it seems like everything has stopped... life has stopped... I can´t hear any other sound... only the music that comes from the water touching the roof... and my mind flows... far away from here.... now, my heart is beating in another place.... our hearts have met and are just one now....

RENNIE.

Yes.......

2005-08-10T11:21:00.000+05:30

It seems to be a very funny blog.... :D
It couldn´t be different.... it´s ours.... lol...

A night out

Hmmmmmm.... *sigh*

Valentine´s Day :D

TAGGED AGAIN!!! :P

AUR SUNAO - hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

3rd post of the day - A PRAYER.

2005 - A RETROSPECT

New Year

MOUNTAINS

a prayer

Saudade

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SWEETEST!!!!!

Anujie´s birthday!!!!

A Little Bit of Crap [ No its not Crap - anuj ]

why ??

WELCOME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!

best of luck !!

frieNdsHip

A Story

TAGGED

TAGGED

Here Comes the Rain Again

Crap

10 things I hate abt you - revisited

Inside Out

Here it goes!!!!!!!! This topic is abt The discovery of Ourselves.... Finding ourselves.... what does it mean??

Dumbo and Dumbie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

An Introduction !!!!

DUDEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A few solutions to Anujie and Vishie´s problem: hunger at night... *Sigh*

A few treats....

10 things specially for u Rennieee !!!!!

*SIGH*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NEW TOPIC: 10 WAYS TO LOSE A GIRLFRIEND :D

10 things that come to mind related to LOVE ::::

The meaning Of our names ......... lol

10 Reasons why Anujiee Dont Sleep !!

10 reasons why Rennie should have been born in india

10 things I hate in YOU!!!!!!!

10 Things I hate Abt......... Myself

Introspective

Its rainin MEN

Yes.......

Hmmmmmm.... sigh

A few solutions to Anujie and Vishie´s problem: hunger at night... Sigh

SIGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NEW TOPIC: 10 WAYS TO LOSE A GIRLFRIEND :D